Saturday, December 14, 2013

Mexican Kimono by Billie Jones Excerpt

Mexican Kimono by Billie Jones

Mexican Kimono is fast-paced, satirical chick lit by upcoming Australian author, Billie Jones, guaranteed for a laugh or three. Narcissistic Samantha simply can't resist buying the beautiful kimono at auction on a whim. That's what credit cards are for, right? And then the kimono's curse starts taking apart her life, spectacularly and destructively, one hair extension at a time, and Sam's in for a hell of a ride.


I delved into my handbag and scoured around for my perfume. I was worried the taxi smell was contagious so I liberally sprayed myself and continued peeking through the bush. I didn’t think I could keep this up much longer. I was hungry and thirsty. How did people survive lost in the outback for so long? I was going to cave in if this kept up. The smell of salt and pepper squid and spicy chorizo was going to kill me. My mouth started watering as I caught myself in a little fantasy with the head waiter, Alberto. He was drizzling fresh lemon over the chorizo, never taking his eyes off me for a second. He brings the tasty sausage up to my mouth and I accidentally bite his fingers which taste tart like lemon …
What are you doing, Miss?” boomed a voice behind me. I screamed like I’d just been arrested for shoplifting. I turned quickly to offer an excuse to the policeman until I realised it was JJ.
You bastard! You scared the crap out of me!”
Why are you hiding in a bush?”
I wasn’t hiding. I, ah, dropped my purse,” I said, as I dropped my purse.
I think someone was trying to arrive last.”
JJ, you are seriously delusional at times,” I scoffed. I instantly kicked the head waiter guy fantasy to the kerb when I saw JJ. I’d forgotten how seriously good-looking he was. He was wearing navy blue linen pants and a tight white singlet that emphasized every ripple of muscle. His hair was lost somewhere between blonde and brown, and was just long enough that you could run your fingers through it. His skin was the colour of honey. Mmm, honey. Honey on JJ. Mmm.
I shook myself before I got lost inside my head with that train of thought. I really couldn’t believe he’d turned gay on me. I looked up to the bright blue sky, looking for answers from a God who obviously doesn’t like me, and said silently, “Why do you hate me so? Why is he gay? Why, why, WHY?”
Who are you talking to?” asked JJ.
Oh, whoops, I must have said that out loud. “Ah, nothing. Just reciting lines from a play I’m in.” Phew, that was close.
He studied me intently before grabbing my hand to walk up the steps. His grip felt good; warm and strong. I wished the steps went on forever, and believe me, that’s not something I usually wish for. If I want to exercise, I’ll just go get a manicure on the massaging chairs.

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