IT'S A SAVELOY!
The doner kebab married the chipolata.
I can't wait to hear the pitta platter of tiny meat.
Ex-journalist Simon Townsend introduces you to his off-beat look at life through his eyes. This razor-sharp collection of more than 50 poems is like nothing you will have read before, and his wry, quirky humour delivers pages of smiles and laughter. From the sublime to the ridiculous, from the poignant to the silly, Simon's original little ditties mark him out as a cross between Spike Milligan and John Hegley - a cross-breed for a new generation!
Remember: life can be too serious. There's always time for some funny stuff!
Dr. Doctur’s Scientific Science Logs are a series of scientific logs written by the recently un-retired Dr. Doctor Doctur (It’s French). The good Doctor has taken it upon himself to discover the really important things; teleportation, the truth about vampires, time travel, and all the things that so called ‘modern science’ has forgot. Volume I in his series covers his desire to attain inexpensive lab assistants and comes to the natural conclusion of (wait for it…dramatic pause…) zombies.
Cake Icing, Butt Budder and Tea Lids has been described as Sweet Home Alabama, the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Practical Magic and Steel Magnolias all rolled into one. “In the South, if a woman isn’t married by age twenty-five, it’s time for an intervention.” This is the basis behind Delilah and Edna Thibodeaux’s dogged determination to make sure their beloved Jezze doesn’t end up an old spinster, like her mother and aunt.
But what happens when the eccentric antics of the young girl’s crazy Cajun aunt and mother put her search for Mr. Right on a 25-year deadline to potential disaster? And why should she have to prove that they are the experts in marriage intervention, anyway? Because she loves them? Yeah, probably. Because they really don’t mean any harm? That too. But when they decide her Mr. Right is T-Roy Bertrand, the butt budder salesman, does she really have to agree? And if she's made up her mind, why does her heart refuse to listen?
Molly Parker is a DWAG – a darts wife and girlfriend. Or rather, she’s an ex-DWAG after divorcing Paul “Bad Lad” Parker, a professional darts player and the self-pronounced Geordie pantomime villain of the sport, after catching him aiming more than his arrows in the direction of more than a few very willing glamour models.
So, leaving her life – and her ex-husband - behind in their native North East of England, she moves to the Canarian island of Tenerife with her best friend Fran, putting the past behind her, determined to start a whole new life abroad.
Within months of arriving on the island she finds herself engaged to her Spanish boyfriend Antonio – a handsome Canarian bar owner - and with their whirlwind wedding just weeks away she’s the happiest she’s been in a long time with a great job at a Timeshare complex, fantastic friends, and a lovely little home in a country she’s fallen completely in love with.
But what Molly didn’t bank on was her ex-husband turning up out of the blue declaring his undying love for her and begging her to come back to him - and not just because his darts were suffering! His unannounced arrival turns Molly’s new and seemingly perfect life upside down as she suddenly has to face up to feelings she’d thought were long gone, and make decisions she never thought she’d have to make as her whole world is thrown into total confusion. Does she stay in Tenerife and marry her wonderful, romantic, drop-dead-gorgeous Spanish fiancĂ©? Or does she give the man she’d once loved but who’d treated her so badly another chance? Days in the sun or darts – it’s the choice she has to make. Throw in a Bolton-born lounge singer and a Take That tribute act, a famous TV actor with a reputation as a shameless flirt, and a major darts tournament that throws up more than it’s fair share of surprises, and all of a sudden Molly Parker’s life really is ‘Too Much Trouble in Paradise’ – a romantic comedy; a story of new beginnings, second chances, sun, sea - and darts!
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